black

I worked until I was broken & cold. It was late… dawn was closer than dusk. My life slipped backwards… I squinted into the headlights on the freeway. My eyes & brain were burning. Sleep. Oblivion. I wanted to go away. Tom Hanks. Castaway. No people or speech. My current life –seemingly– is in disarray. I wish I was able… and stable. Sometimes, I think I’m really fractured & I’ve lost all the parts. Incapable of
repair. I tried sleeping; a restless paper tiger under a wool blanket. My heart kept getting in the way as it bled on my sleeve. I awoke. Silence. The world held its breath. A spider slowly crawled across the ceiling. I think he looked at me with disdain. “What are you doing down there?” No matter how low you go, you can always find someone to look down upon. I read a short passage in a book by- Norman Vincent Peale. He wrote of a quote by Dr. Karl Menninger. “Attitudes are more important than facts.” I suppose we can change only certain things in our day to day lives. We certainly have no control over others! A friend once told me that “I only give up control in order to get a better grip!” Needless to say, I see him often. His therapy appointment is immediately following mine… If I can change anything, it will have to be my attitude. I must never take counsel of my fear. My doctor at the VA hospital recently told me that there wasn’t too much wrong with me… except my thoughts! Funny guy. I gave him the finger. He gave me one right back & told me.. “don’t change a thing.” I guess it’s like the song I heard recently by Anna Ternheim. ‘Today is a good day.’ It’s all in how we define our state of mind. Skate-
Ozzie

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2 thoughts on “black

  1. We get so little time on the coping and so much time in the bottom of the pool. But that is what makes the sound of it so beautiful. Just Live the highs like a long sweet grind and ride out the lows. You get what you get and you make the most of it. Thinking is highly over rated and mainly self absorbed anyway. All this I learned from BTO. So tomorrow I will wake up and skate. And then work and do what has to be done. And then try to let it all go and sleep

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