FIVE

Lance'sJanuary 16, 2013

Lance’s
January 16, 2013

Five years ago on this day, I finally reached a point where I ran out of lies. I couldn’t tell one more lie. I was done hiding what I am. Some people get through life with either vodka or God. I chose Stoli. Poor decision. I needed help. It only takes a spark… a tiny little thing. Beginnings. I’ve been stone cold sober now for five years. I have suffered through the dentist, relationships (which has been just as painful as the dentist) and three major injuries without alcohol or narcotics of any kind. I’ve had a cracked knee cap, fractured ribs and a broken collarbone. I was so frightened when I broke my collarbone. It hurt terribly. When I face what I’m afraid of,  I guess I find out what I’m all about. It is strange.

I was talking with Tony Alva the other day. We were laughing about how strange the world becomes when we release our hold on things. I control nothing… It sure makes life simpler when I keep my side of the street tidy and let the rest of the world worry about theirs. If someone brings me anxiety or drama, I must remove them from my life. Banished. I’m Alexandrian and solve my problem with a sharp clean stroke. Life is too short to be dealing with other people and their messes. I finally realized that I am not equipped to deal…  Fini. I find it strange that at my age, I’ve finally learned to live. I try and stay ruthlessly honest, giving and positive. I am able to treat people the way I should have all these long years. It sickens me to remember those I’ve hurt… Ghosts. They still visit and whisper.

I still make mistakes. I still hurt others… but I’m very aware of my actions and make amends directly. The only thing I can do is stay on my A Game and not slip up. I cannot ever use drugs or drink again. I simply won’t make it back. If you have a similar problem and want some help…  c’mon and hitch your star to mine. We can help each other. Thanks to my real friends (you know who you are) for the support and shoulder when I needed it. Thank you to the VA hospital and AA. Thank you for reading. Thank you to Ray for the image and the friendship. Skate- Ozzie

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